for some reason you can't watch any night then you will will always be able to watch "on the record." good night from new york city. tonight on "red eye." >> coming up on "red eye." how fast did lou dabs go on the way down devil's backbone? we have an in depth look at the equipment used by the world's most electrifing newsman. and what does the president think about people who say michael key ton isn't the best batman? >> this question isn't new. at least since george washington served as commander-in-chief, i think they are wrong. >> and finally, why are are our nation's cats getting stuck beside bedside tables and why is the government not doing more to free them? we pick up the heated debate more where the special report left off. none of these stories on "red eye" tonight. >> i am tom shillue filling in

for greg gutfeld. and now let's welcome our guest. i met her back when i was a small town minister. she and her friend showed me the error of my ways after i banned dancing and rock music and we have been friends ever since. i am here with joanne nosuchunsky. and she thwarted my plan to steal cash flying through the rocky mountains, but now he goes by tv's andy levy. and i was returning home from a camping trip when i hit him with the family station wagon. i brought him home to live with us for awhile before sending him back into the wild. it is writer and comedian jesse joyce. you can see him on comedy underground this saturday. it was during an inter stellar battle after i opened the door to the eighth dimension. next to me is the nationally syndicated radio host. >> a block. the lede. that's the first story.

>> american girl, a symbol of freedom or racist propaganda? those are your only options in our latest edition of -- >> is this racist? >> last week american girl announced that it will discontinue four of its dolls. among them, cicily and ivy who were two of the only dolls of color in the collection. the blogosphere was quick to say the doll dismissal was racially moat vaded. the company admits the motives were racist. no, actually t ey say the move was a tactile business choice and an attempt to refresh the company's image. a rep notes, while we are achieving these characters as part of a shift and strategy, we remain proud of the wide range of backgrounds, cultures and races offered in our doll lines. now i own an american girl doll. i asked you to come to comment

on this story. thanks for joining us. >> thanks, tom. i am happy to be here. >> do you think that american girl has some diversity problems? >> no i don't, tom. i feel that american girl, just like america in general, celebrates diversity. >> that's interesting. that's exactly how i feel. what would you say to those who say american girl dolls are not edgy and political enough? they say perhaps it is time for a doll who takes her fourth grate class on a trip to occupy wall street? >> i would say that american girl is a business. and we want to celebrate all kinds of girls, but we have to make dolls that our customers are interested in. >> exactly. you get on as usual. >> i remind you tom that i am your doll. >> what a is your point? >> dolls reflect the culture and the view . -- view point of their owners. >> are you saying you don't have opinions of your own?

>> if that's what you are saying, tom, perhaps i should agree. >> i don't want you to agree. i want to see how you feel. are you telling me you don't enjoy the clothes i make for you? >> well, i know you feel that the wool is not itchy to the skin. it is not, not compared to the synthetic fabrics. you said so yourself. i will see you later at home. >> how am i going to get home from the studio? >> i am going to come and get you. stay where you are. >> andy, you may not have dolls, but you were as lifelike as one of the american girl dolls. do you think this is a good move for the company? >> i think that was an insult to the dolls. >> i thought it was a compliment to you. >> i want it to be complimented by a guy who owns the american girl doll. >> what are you trying to say? >> can we explain this?

do they talk to you when you are at home too? i feel like they did. >> she has a lot of the same interests i do. she has read the "lord of the rings" books. she loves barber shop harmony. she is a diverse personality. that was the point of the story. >> they are not racially motivated in doing this. it is ridiculous to say they are sitting there going let's get rid of the black doll and the asian doll. of course they are not doing that. they have 11 historical dolls. two -- >> you have been to the store like i one. >> i they have one jewish doll that thankfully doesn't look like macklemore and two hippie chicks who look like they need to shower. >> they are free spirits. there are a lot of diverse dolls there. dennis, they only talk about these people who are complaining. they talk about diversity as a

racial issue. aren't there other elements to diversity? >> imagine if you had dolls of a different view point, a conservative doll, a liberal doll, a libertarian doll. that would be true diversity. >> libby means libertarn. >> how do you know? >> we have had several conversations. >> she d esn't believe in intervening in other country affairs? >> oftentimes we watch television together. >> the whole thing is sad. i love your title. is it racist issue of the day? >> is it racist? >> everything is racist. it is so sad. i grew up -- for example i am jewish. i grew up as an orthodox jew. all of the names, see scott run. see mary run. did i ever say gee why isn't schmooly running? >> because he has asthma. >> schmooly was running the

company. >> it is a wonder you thought jews could run it all. >> that is a good point, that is the other thing. that's why schmooly wouldn't work. >> i have an answer to the question to is this racist and now i say yes. >> you mean this whole segment? >> jesse, you collect dolls. you refer to them astro fees in your comedy -- them as trophies in your comedy diary. how do you feel of this news? >> of the two of us which looks more like they may have a shoe box filled with the driver's license and hitchhikers they set free. >> i am not sure what you mean by that. >> you look more serial killer than i do. i -- you are more of a calculated -- >> i think the hair on tom's doll is human hair. >> when i am brushing it it almost seems human.

>> so the headline of the article is like about racial motivation perhaps of getting these dolls. i skim the article like i usually do. i don't exactly read it. >> but there was a part where it was like spano recognizes that the news can be disappointing to someone. i thought that was a racial flare. apparently it is the lady's last name. it seemed pretty offensive. no daughter of mine will marry a spannow. >> joe -- joanne, you are a living doll. you are young enough to play with dolls. you don't think there is anything wrong with me to watch game of thro -- "game of thrones" with? >> no, fine. >> have you been to the store? >> i walked by on accident. there are kids everywhere. it is swarming with kids and parents look miserable. >> what is that look on your

face? you don't like children? >> not yet. they have a hair salon inside the store where the kids can go and the parents can pay an exswrosh taint amount of money to have a fake doll hair combed or siled or whatever. or styled or whatever. my question is how many racists are working in that hair salon? how many racists are working for the company? why is everybody worried about dolls? what about the people behind the dolls? that's my question. >> like andy said, he has been there. they have a whole line. there are may tiff american dolls -- native american dolls. >> what if you are bi-racial, what doll do you get? and why do you have to look like your doll? if a white parent in kenya went to a doll store, all of the dolls would be black. the kid would get a black doll to play with and couldn't care less. it is not a big issue. >> i look nothing like skeletor and love playing with

him. >> and i look nothing like my doll. >> this whole thing is a slam on the trans community. >> i was thinking of that. >> that's who will complain next, andy. >> quickly also to answer joanne's question, the employees that work there are 9-year-old chinese boys. that's who max the dolls. >> we are covered then. >> we don't know that. >> i don't want you to think you just made that up. >> it doesn't say comedian writer. does it say when i say that it is going to be written on the screen? >> was the geeky guy a spy? it is day 20125 of -- >> nsa leaker edward snowden wants everyone to know he was not a dorky tech nerd. he was a super cool spy.

snowden claimed he was giving lectures on counterintelligence for the defense intelligence agency and done undercover work for the cia. and the tray -- the trait russ scum says he was treated as an administrator. >> i was trained as a spy in the traditional sense. i lived and worked undercover, overseas and pretending to work in a job that i am not. and even being assigned a name that was not mine. >> a different name. that is rad, dude. secretary of state john kerry had harsh words for snowden on wednesday saying ed shouldn't have fled. >> the bottom line is this is a man who betrayed his country and is sitting in russia, an authoritarian country, where he has taken refuge. he should man up and come back to the united states.

if he hasn't complained about what is the matter with american surveillance, come back and stand in our system of justice and make his case. >> make his case, man up. that was actually an american girl doll of john kerry. >> nice. >> i never loved john kerry until now. i like that, man up. snowden remains as out of reach as this fox. >> jesse, have you have been dyeing to get in on this story. many would like you to flee the country. do you empathize with him. talk about the difference between empathy and sympathy.

>> do i have to repeat the question and the answer? first of all that wasn't john kerry's american girl doll. that was teddy ruxpin. it said he was trained as a spy. that is carefully selected wording. who gives a [bleep] what you were trained at. i was trained as a art historian. gutfeld was trained to make cookies in a tree. none of us are doing what we were trained to do. you know what i'm saying? >> we are not supposed to make greg jokes when he is not here. >> the point is nobody does what they are trained to do. >> how many bleeps do we have to do with jess key? three? >> it will be a lot more. >> well, it is not my work to do. dennis, this is all about ego. he wants to be more important

than he is. >> i generally don't like to attack people, but rather ideas or actions. it does seem to be ego griffin griffin -- ego driven. in this regard i am unpopular with the left and many on the right. i think he did something very wrong and i have no problem with the nsa having gone through billions and billions of records and phone calls it never hears and listens to on every app on my phone. i give permission for them to know when i am showering. >>y a lot of our rights. >> i am blown away that people care about trolling billions of records they never see unless there was a pattern with some sort of known terrorist. but they will give away completely -- as i do. yes, you can know where i am. you can hear what i am saying. you can know my phone calls. that's okay. but to save us from people who

wish to blow us up, all of a sudden americans are very, very concerned. >> you are seeing both sides of the issue. you think it is okay for the nsa to collect data. >> and it is okay for google to collect data. i don't really care. >> but you actual lie think snowden -- you think he should be in prison for it? >> yes, absolutely. >> and who could disagree with you? perhaps the man to your right. >> i don't even know where to start with this story. use of the phrase man up is so obviously problematic. >> actually where are the feminists on this? where are they to attack john kerry. >> they are taking a lunch. i want to take what kerry says and contrast it with reality. come back here and stand in our system of justice and make a case with what is wrong with the nsa surveillance programs. as i'm sure the secretary of state well knows that is something snowden wouldn't be able to do. the judges ruled that in

espionage cases you cannot show intent to inform the public, you cannot show motive. you can't make your case at all. the only thing the trial would be about is if he stole the data and not what his motives were. it is disingeneral wise for those who said the same thing to say tell us about the story. they wouldn't let him do that. >> i don't want him to come back here. he will be a hero when he doesn't deserve to be. >> talk about manning up. if he had given away the secrets and then put his hands out to be handcuffed, wouldn't he be more of a hero? >> absolutely. >> he would be a martyr. >> this is not a man i want to date. >> i he will look through my phone and he will go where were you?

i said you already know where i was. you are a trained spy or so you say. in that case i am a trained spy too. with just a first name and a hobby, i can find out all about your dating past on google. >> how can you find out about my past knowing my hobbies? >> it is easy. i type in your name and a plus sign and your hobby and then i search and i also do an image search as well and then with facebook there is a certain button you can do photos of. so even if i am not supposed to see them, i still can. >> my relationship would be a good turn. >> the most interesting thing that dennis brings up is the fact that who cares about the data mining? what is it? >> i don't want the government getting all up in my business as the kids say. >> that's the thing. like dennis said, they are more in your business when you drive through a toll lane with

your easy pass on. >> i don't like easy pass. >> so you avoid that? >> i prefer to pay cash. i prefer cash and put duct tape on my license plates when i drive through. >> that sounds like a shillue missing girl's case. >> that would be andy and avoiding detection. >> i searched that one. coming up, a 20-year-old girl with a hot glue gun replaces the see yens on jess -- the sequence on jesse's jacket. and another story on bill murray? what is this ground -- groundhog day?

when there is a ghost at

your bachelor party, who will you call? bill murray. over memorial day weekend a bachelor party got a surprise guest in the form of bill murray. it was not a stripper dress like bill murray, but jesse did have one of those before his wedding. mr. murray was kind enough to take time out of his busy schedule making people laugh to offer quirky advice to everyone but the groom. >> if you have someone that you think is the one, don't just sort of think in your ordinary mind think okay let's make a date and plan this and make a party and get married. take that person and travel around the world you. buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all-around the world and go to places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. and if when you come back to jfk when you land in jfk and you are still in love with that person, get married at the airport.

>> at my bachelor party we had a surprise guest who imparted wisdom. >> you had dan akroyd at your bachelor party? that's amazing. >> that was better than my comment in the prompter. no watch this. thank you, goat that sounds like a chicken. lowalmost as good. >> that was better, yes. >> dennis, i put this story in the show because you were going to be on. i knew you would have something interesting to say. you always have an interesting angle on men and women. was this good advice? >> no, it was great advice. anybody could search this on the internet. have i a nationally syndicated column and wrote a two-part

column, eight questions or whatever it was, eight questions you should answer before you get married. a woman last night -- i spoke in brooklyn. a woman came over to me and said she broke off her engagement after reading michael will you please. column. she hugged me for it. that's one of the things. you have to spend time and enjoy each other. do you enjoy each other is critical. there was nothing like a trip that you are away from everything and you have to relate to one another. it was brilliant advice. >> like "the bachelor" they take trips. >> but you had eight thens. he said one thing. take a trip and come back and propose at the airport and i thought it wasn't good advice. you should do something boring. if you go on a trip around the world it is like a romantic comedy. i would marry andy if we went on a trip around the world. >> would you divorce each

other. i am not being cute. it is very, very hard to enjoy somebody away there all of your support system. he's right. i think it is a very good test. it is not the only one, but it is a good test. one of those in my list -- i won't give you all eight. do you miss each other when you are not together? it is the converse of that. i think you have to miss a person. that's a statement of truly loving them. >> jesse, do you wish you had this advice before you got married? >> i tell you what, about four years ago i met a girl and thought she was fantastic and three days later i invited her to drive across the country. we got in a munstang and drove route 66 and it took 10 days. we stayed at the elvis motel. like we stayed in the room he stayed in in oklahoma. gyro man particular. >> we went to the grand canyon. >> i saw this hallmark movie. >> you know what i did?

i married that girl. you know what happened a? we got divorced. >> so [bleep] that advice. >> so a russian mail order bride. >> that was 10 days. what did he add advocate? >> he said go around the world. >> i am i am not getting "ghost busters" residual checks so i had to take a munstang on 66. >> that's the thing about his advice. it is great advice if you can afford to fly around the world and go to exotic places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. >> do you noah lot of people -- know a lot of people get married and have a terrible honeymoon. that would be a great subject for one of your evenings. awful honeymoons because they are alone together and expect to have a great time and the expectations kill if it had been a normal time. it is a good test.

it didn't work in your case and i'm sorry about that. >> i want to give uh hug. i want to give you a hug. >> joanne what celebrity would you want to appear at your bachelor party? >> at my bachelor party? my bachelorette party? >> is that what you call them? there are three jonas brothers so one would be great. i can see this guy going home to his fiancee and saying are there strippers there? no, no, it was better. it was bill murray. and her being like, i can't marry you. if you are excited over that i -- >> this is the thing. they had to bleep some of the responses. he started talking, i have advice for you. all of these guys are like, i can't believe this. they weren't really listening, but they were amazed there is

a celebrity. i tour with jim gaffigan. they walk up to him and say it is jim gaffigan and they face the same direction so someone can take a selfie. >> bill murray doesn't like to do autographs. he likes to do these videos and these sort of -- they are perm touches. >> he is a free spirit. everybody thinks he is fantastic and i do too. okay, coming up, a man spends $50 on a heavily decaffeinated starbucks drink. making it the first time cocaine is a cheaper alternative. first a word from our sponsor. >> c block is sponsored by half tea and half tar. made from smorf board by products. avoid skin contact and keep away from pigs.

so a starbucks customer recently used his loyalty card to get a free sextuple mocha bean frappechino with 60 shots of espresso. it is the most expensive and the subject of tonight's -- >> it is another story of

overpriced coffee. another opportunity for people to lack at our society and the privileged who spend money on useless luxury. $fit for a cup of coffee? $50 for a cup of cop fee? i remember when it was 50 cents. this man's coffee was a stunt. it had 60 shots of espresso in a frap which is not even a real coffee drink. don't put him in with real coffee achievers. i spend $7 to $10 on a regular cup of coffee and it is the best money i spend all day. the trend of high priced coffee beans grown to exacting standards is one of the great things about living in the modern world. and i contend that high end coffee is the biggest bargain in gourmet eating. people spend hundreds of dollars on wine and a fine coffee takes great effort to produce. it is reflected in the taste and value. your problem is you are pouring the cheap stuff down your throat like it is fast-food. here are the rules of coffee.

if you are drinking anything but black coffee, are you a pre -- pretender. there is a reason you can't tell a good from a bad coffee, are you dumping the junk in it. enough with the iced coffee. cold coffee is for the cold of heart. drink an ice water and then have a double espresso. 3, if you want to join the big boys get out of blends. they are full of knew yawns and sometimes full of flaws. four, dark roast does not equal strong. your dark coffee is not stronger than light roasted coffee. roasting is cooking a dark roast is equal to a well done steak. are you taking the earn personality of the out of the bean. try a light or medium roast to taste the bean to its glory. i will see you in coffee hell.

>> dennis, andy will disagree with me, i know. i think you are going to agree. >> i am serious, i was impressed. i would like to tell you why. i feel the same about cigars. i couldn't careless about coffee and wine, but have i that about cigars. i could have given my monologue and one of the columns is why i like cigars when i see a young man in a cigar lounge and i got to cigar lounges all over america. i go before my lecture. when i see a kid about 22, 25 years old i pay for his cigar. i am so happy to see this beautiful -- >> do you think that is creepy at all that a man walks in and says young man i am buying you a cigar. >> and by cigar you mean a cigar.

>> you are exactly right. >> you want young people to enjoy. >> i love young people who enjoy life and i love that you have passion. >> it is one of the joyce of my life. -- joys of my life. >> andy, i can see you are disagreeing. what is there to disagree about? >> do you like milk in your coffee? >> i don't drink coffee. tom, you can say what you want about this man's coffee being a stunt, but after listening to your monologue and you spout about it for years, that will be you some day. why? you are an addict. like every addict you will have to keep increasing your fix to get your daily dose of privilege. maybe are you not spending $55 on a drink with 50 shots of ease spree sew. i hope i am around when you do because i will laugh. >> that's exactly what modern medicine says to do with addicts, laugh at them.

>> have i exactly two cup -- i have two cups of 8 ounce coffee in the morning and one in the afternoon and grind the beans lovingly in the morning. >> say he is addicted. so what? who does it hurt? who does it hurt? >> i have been a recovering alcoholic for nine years. i think this is all [bleep]. your -- i drank five bottles of jack daniels a week. >> wait jack daniels is made to exacting stages. >> speak for yourself. >> you don't know what the p oi nt of the beans -- of the beans are. >> if you were with your loved one, a girlfriend or a boyfriend and you were able to

get through tom's 15 talking points about coffee turn around and marry that person. >> the most boring thing ever. >> i loved it. >> it has come far. you can get a good cup of coffee at jfk now. >> isn't this about the economy? people complain about the privilege of the coffee. it helps and for every guy drinking a cup of coffee there is somebody who is picking the beans. >> this is america, oversized, overdecaffeinated and in his case cheap. he got it for free. he worked the system which is what i like. their cough -- coffee is overpriced and he gets a free one? >> don't drink at starbucks very often. i like star -- starbucks as chain and they are not

overpriced. if you look at how they get the coffee, they pay a fair price. >> i drink instant in the morning. i am not the person -- >> i will change my answer. i think you are an addict. you said you drink starbucks only in emergencies. find me a coffee emergency. >> if i am in a region and there is no gourmet coffee. >> and the shakes start. >> you call it addiction. you love your life and you love your call. >> when you start calling a young man a coffee and dine with him. >> time to take a break. coming up, ferrets.

should he apiece the fans of the weasel? he wants to end the ban on owning ferrets as pets. the city's health dents is recommending a repeal of the policy arguing there is no greater threat to the public than other domesticated animals. in an internal meme me -- memo, they considered the issue. on the pro side they show ferrets don't bite more severely or unseverely. on the con side there may be injuries especially to infants. mayor rudy guiliani instituted the ban in 1999 and we are

obligated by law to replay his famous ferret rant. >> here is rudy taking a call on his radio show. >> hello, mr. guiliani. we speak again. >> hi, david. >> let me introduce myself, david president of the ferret advocacy. last week when we spoke you said a disparaging remark to me that i should get a life. that was unprofessional of you. here we are trying to get something seriously done without you talking over me, we are trying -- >> david, you are on my show. i have the right to talk over you. >> you talked over me last time. we want an important issue taken care of when the city 1 vie laight the state law. i told you last week do you care about the law? >> yes, i do care about the law. you have totally and absolutely miss interpreted the law because there is something deranged about you.

>> no there isn't, sir. >> the excessive concern you have for ferrets is something you should examine with a therapist. >> sir, understand -- >> not with me. >> don't go insulting you again. >> i am not insulting you. maybe nobody has ever been honest with you. >> i am more sane than you. >> david, there is a serious -- >> mr. guiliani, rudy -- >> this kwan veer -- the conversation is over. there is something sad about you. you need help. you need somebody to help you. this excessive concern with little weasels is a sickness. i'm sorry. that's my opinion. you don't have to accept it. there are few people that would be honest with you, but you should consult a seek gist or psychiatrist and have them help you with this obsessive concern, how you are devoting your life to weasels. >> dennis, you have a radio

show. have you ever wanted to tell your callers to seek professional help? >> i hate to say yes. i have a sophisticate i had saudi yens. i never had anybody that was pre occupied with ferrets. i think the law is silly. i also think a guy who devotes a life to ferrets -- i had a guy like that. i did say get a life. i remember it. the guy was the head of is a no sirk, you don't know? >> no cry rc. it was against sir come session and restoring fore skin. his life was devoted to that issue. i said you should get a life. >> these guys remember the sir come -- sir come session.

>> you want board, that is bored. >> you are very familiar with the fore skin. >> it is in a shoe box under your bed. >> with the american doll. >> he is making a suit. >> we are talking sweaters. >> it puts the lotion on the fore skin. >> i apologize. you are doing a terrific job. >> everyone thought he was going crazy and he used to follow people around. he had seen him on several occasions. people didn't realize how justified guiliani was with his rant there. >> that's so amazing. i didn't know that existed until i saw that video.

everybody knows him for the great things he did on is live. why isn't that up there? it is like in my head it is awesome. >> the city bans potbellied pig and elephants. why aren't they champions? maybe we can have any animal we want. what do you think? >> i am still thinking about all of this right now. look, anal glapped secretions and -- gland secretions are your jam, by all means. get a ferret. >> they mark their territory with urine? >> yes. >> how do you know that? >> google or wikipedia. all animals have different things they do. some are grosser than others. >> don't all animals mark their -- kitty cats. andy, let's go to you.

this is interesting because you have a pet owner and pet enthusiast. do you think ferrets should be legal? >> of course. usually i do research when we talk about these stories. if i don't know much about them like with ferrets i decided banning ferrets and there will be no more fun of any kind. the jewel -- guiliani ranted -- now they said the fact that he may overturn his ban he says if he has the right back up that is no big dee. i don't know he does. i don't know if he doesn't. he didn't even know if it is a good idea. >> now he learned. this is yo new yorkers wered fed up with guiliani. >> i likeed the rant. >> a serial tickler is still

on the loose.

e block. last story. that's the last story. police say a tickling bandit

is on the loose near boston college. at least 10 people reported that a man broke into their homes and either tickled their feet or watched them sleep. but he didn't steal anything. some believe the tickler is an urban legend, but one cop said it is no myth. it is happening. others claim they saw him outside masterbating. i don't even like to say that word. police released a sketch of the perp. >> jesse it said, wait, he hides it well. jesse, how many can you tickle someone's feet before they wake up? >> i don't know why they are being so cute about this. why don't you wall it what it is? gateway serial killer. the tickler sounds like a

character from mcdonald land. mayor mccheese, we caught the tickler beating off in grimac's sock drawer. >> it is definitely creepy. joanne, what do you think? they said this man gets in -- this is boston college. it is right there in boston and in the city. the tickler is getting into people's rooms because they don't lock their doors. >> lock your door. i thought there was an irrational fear of people breaking. into my room. apparently it is not crazy that could happen. the fact he was called the bandit, so what does he steal giggles? >> he just tickles, but isn't that worse than stealing? tickling someone's feet? >> most people would rather have something stolen from their home than awakened by a stranger. male sexuality is very wild.

>> we can't understand why pome -- >> i don't get it personally but he is not that rare. >> not that rare? >> he is rare on tickling and masterbating, but not in the spectrum of male sexual experience. >> this is what is going along the lines. all of the students dash dosh know what, never mind i don't feel like telling? >> andy knows it is the end of the show. thank you, joanne, jesse, joyce, that does it for me. i'm tom shillue. see you next time.

hello, everyone. i'm eric bolling along with kimberly guilfoyle, bob beckle, dana perino, and jesse watters. it's 5:00 in new york city and this is "the five." we have a very jam packed show for you tonight. the latest on the cia officer outed by the white house. we have ed snowden speaks publicly from russia. some breaking developments in the v.a. scandal. president obama took the opportunity to redefine his foreign policy agenda today at his commencement address at west point. it was a bizarre speech. hear the